Wolf&Grayson EditorialMany high-performing men excel in boardrooms and career achievements, yet find themselves struggling when their marriages begin to drift. The same drive that fuels professional success can sometimes create emotional distance at home. Dennis St John Crosby, a relationship expert who helps men restore connection without compromising who they are, offers clear and practical insights. His approach supports men in navigating relationship challenges while showing up as authentic leaders in their marriages.
What’s Really Happening When Connection Fades
Most men can sense when something isn’t right. They’ll say the connection feels off, but they can’t quite explain why. According to Crosby, there’s often a clear reason beneath the surface. “At its core, in any marriage, when disconnection starts to happen, it’s usually coming from a place where the wife’s needs are not being met,” he says. When emotional needs go unmet, pain builds up. That pain creates distance, not because the person wants space, but because they’re trying to protect themselves. What feels like withdrawal to one partner is often a defense mechanism for the other. This shift in perspective helps men move from confusion or frustration to empathy and understanding.
Starting Honest Conversations
When men notice something’s wrong, their instinct is to fix it quickly. But Crosby recommends a different first step: start with an honest, low-pressure conversation. “The first thing to do is just go talk to her and actually address the thing,” he says. That means no accusations or ultimatums. Just genuine observation. A simple opening like, “Hey, I’ve been noticing we feel a bit disconnected lately. Can we talk about it?” is often enough to begin. This isn’t about finding fault. It’s about reconnecting. If she’s open to a conversation, men can tap into their natural problem-solving mindset. “We’re really good at fixing things. But first, we need to understand what’s actually broken,” Crosby explains. If she’s emotionally closed off, a different approach may be needed. But starting with honesty and humility opens the door.
Rebalancing Work and Marriage
For high-performing men, the issue often isn’t a lack of love. It’s a matter of where their energy goes. Work gets their full attention. Then come the kids and daily logistics. Their wife lands in third place, sometimes without them even realizing it. “Chances are there’s going to be a mismatch in where your energy is going,” Crosby notes. “For at least a season, that list needs to be reorganized.”
The mistake many men make is overcorrecting by going into people-pleasing mode. They try to win her back by becoming agreeable or constantly trying to meet her needs without honoring their own. “You end up losing yourself,” Crosby warns. “You’re just trying to appease her. You buy into that happy wife, happy life idea.” But when appreciation doesn’t follow that self-sacrifice, resentment builds. The answer isn’t to please. It’s to rebalance with intention.
Navigating Conflict with Intention
Disagreements happen in every relationship. What matters is how you engage with them. Crosby advises men to shift the goal of conflict. It’s not about winning. It’s about staying connected. “Let go of needing to be right, needing to prove something,” he says. “Step out of your ego and look at the bigger picture.” Ask yourself a different question. Do you want to be right, or do you want a marriage that brings deep connection, love, and intimacy? When your intention is clear and grounded in shared growth, it shapes how you show up. “If you’re doing it from a place that benefits both of you, you stay aligned with the kind of man you want to be,” Crosby says.
Owning the Leadership Role
This is often the hardest truth for men to hear: “It begins and ends with you.” Crosby explains that men who lead in life must also lead at home. That doesn’t mean doing everything or taking all the blame. It means taking responsibility for your side of the relationship. “All issues flow back up to the leader,” he says. “That’s not about fairness. It’s about ownership.” Instead of focusing on who did what, start with yourself. Ask, “Where can I take responsibility? What part can I clean up on my side?” Often, just doing your part changes the dynamic. It invites a healthier response and lowers defensiveness on both sides.
Who Do You Want to Be?
At the center of all of this is one essential question: who do you want to be as a man? Most men say, “I want to be a better husband.” But they rarely define what that actually means. “What does a better husband look like?” Crosby asks. “How does he act when he wakes up? How does he lead in conflict? How does he love under pressure?” Without clarity, you’ll just react to what life throws at you. With clarity, you lead from a defined identity. That changes everything. “If you want to show up without losing yourself, it starts with defining who you are and who you want to become,” Crosby says. “When you’re aligned with that, your actions will be aligned too—because you’re leading from that place.”
Follow Dennis St John Crosby on LinkedIn or check out his website for more strategies on building strong, connected marriages without losing your identity.
