Wolf&Grayson EditorialEarly in her career, Rhonda Parmer equated feedback with self-worth. Each comment, whether well-intentioned or not, triggered a reflex to do more and prove her value. That mindset followed her into senior leadership roles, where responsibility multiplied in step with self-doubt.
A cancer diagnosis forced an unplanned pause and an opportunity to pivot. “I realized I was confusing feedback with identity,” says Parmer, CEO of Leadership Executive Group. “People were not attacking who I was. Some were offering useful input. Others were simply speaking from their own emotion. I did not have to absorb all of it.”
That realization reshaped how she leads and how she coaches. Sustainable leadership is not built on absorbing pressure, but on filtering it. Leaders who fail to make that distinction often become the bottleneck, holding decisions, approvals, and emotional weight that should be shared.
Alignment as the filter
For many capable leaders, criticism becomes a heavy weight, slowing decision-making and gradually eroding confidence. Parmer has spent decades helping executives interrupt that pattern. At Leadership Executive Group, she works with leaders who are carrying too much and discovering that working harder is no longer the answer. The shift often begins with how criticism is interpreted.
Much of Parmer’s work centers on alignment as a discipline. Alignment with values, vision, roles, and time horizons provides leaders with a reference point when criticism arrives. Without it, one negative comment can derail strategy.
She has seen organizations abandon sound plans because of one public complaint while ignoring hundreds of affirmations. “Feedback hurts the most when clarity is missing,” she says. “When leaders are not grounded in their values, roles, and priorities, every comment feels personal. That is when people start overcorrecting instead of progressing.”
This grounding enables leaders to separate emotional reactions from meaningful signals. It also gives them the confidence to stay the course when external voices grow loud, whether from shareholders, clients, or internal teams.
The discipline of the reframe
To help leaders move from reaction to reflection, Parmer teaches a simple but demanding process she calls SOS: Stabilize, Overwrite, Sustain.
Stabilize comes first. Before responding, leaders regulate their internal state. “Ask what part of this is information and what part is emotion,” she says. “That pause alone can prevent damage.”
Overwrite follows. Here, leaders examine the story running in the background. Is the feedback evidence of failure, or is it an invitation to refine strategy? Reframing does not deny discomfort, but it redirects interpretation. “You are not rewriting reality,” Parmer says. “You are rewriting meaning.”
Sustain turns insight into action. Once emotion is separated from fact, leaders identify a concrete next step and involve their team. Ownership expands, execution improves, and the leader steps out of the center of every solution.
Compounding confidence
Leaders who reframe criticism effectively create cultures where feedback fuels growth rather than fear, allowing teams to take ownership because responsibility is clear and trust is intact.
The stakes are rising as feedback becomes increasingly automated. While Parmer sees value in artificial intelligence as a starting point, she warns against removing the human element. “Without emotional intelligence, automated feedback creates anxiety, not development.”
Ultimately, Parmer’s work is about multiplication. Leaders who stop carrying everything allow others to lead. “You should be able to lead well, go home with energy, and trust that your organization is stronger because you are not doing it all yourself.”
